Belonging, Authenticity, and Love.

What do people want most in relationships?

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I’ve sat with a lot of people in relationships of all kinds. Families, friends, partners, siblings, you name it. Sometimes I’ve been in a room with 10 people from very different walks of life and I’ve found this to be so true.—We all want the same things. 

Belonging - We want to be a part of something more than just ourselves. We want community, chosen family, tribe, or some reflection of our souls mirrored back to us in the world through others. We want that feeling that we are “in” and not outcast. This stirs up most of our fears around rejection or being “othered”. 

Authenticity - We want to live freely and openly and be able to be ourselves no matter where we are, who we are with, or what we are doing. Can I be myself at home and with others. Can I bring my home wherever I go? Am I free to express my highest self without fear of judgement or without being judged. This is what stirs up most of our fears around being seen or being successful. 

Love - We all want to be loved unconditionally by our families (particularly our mothers) and by our communities. Can I be loved unconditionally just for being me? Can I give love unconditionally and have it be received? This is what stirs up most of our fears around attachment, partnership, pursuing our passions, and more. 

We spend a lifetime on our journey in pursuit of these three but I am going to tell you a secret.—an ancient wisdom that came to rest inside of my soul. You must not seek what is already found inside of you. You create these 3. You do not find them externally. You offer the world these 3 things through your soul and the ways that you share your gifts with others. Your journey of self-love is the key that unlocks the door to all 3 and more.-Moe Ari